“Damn You, Autocorrect” by Jillian Madison (Hyperion, 2011)

Damn You, Autocorrect!

In this incredible and wonderful period of Smartphones, it is all very likely that humanity will look back on this time as the remarkable invention of the iPhone and the power and ability that was unleashed with this invention.  And with this marvelous invention there was texting; and with this fantastic ability to text, there was . . . autocorrect.  For those who aren’t in possession of an iPhone, or may not be familiar with it, one “perk” of the texting application is the autocorrect feature that facilitates one’s typing using the touch screen to automatically complete words and make (supposedly) it much quicker and easier to text.

Of course, the adage: “With great power, comes great responsibility” is powerfully true in this case, as this feature has led to innumerable errors, faux pas, and hilarious results that have now become infamous on the internets, dutifully and thankfully collected at the brilliant autocorrect website, Damn You Autocorrect.  And now the cream of the crop of entertaining autocorrects are collected in this perfect book to just have hanging around anywhere in the house or at work, or just about anywhere in the world, Damn You, Autocorrect!   And here are some highlights from this must have book:

Texter #1: “I just fell off the chair at work.”
Texter #2: “Are you OK?”
Texter #1: “Yes.  I think I scared my coriander.”
Texter #2: “Huh???”
Texter #1: “Co-workers.”

Texter #1: “I just had a great dump.  I MEAN HUMP1  AHHHHHHH Frick I mean lube.  LUNCH.  I MEANT LUNCH.”
Texter #2: “Well, whatever it is, I hope it was good . . .”

Texter #1: “I wish we were moving tomorrow.”
Texter #2: “Not long.”
Texter #1: “I know I just need to stay busy.”
Texter #2: “You can always work on the stiff in the garage.”
Texter #1: “The stiff huh.  Sounds kind of morbid.”

Texter #1: “Traffic crap – new eta is 430.”
Texter #2: “Almighty.  Altitude.  Danger.  Blast!  What I mean is, alrighty.”
Texter #1: “Ha that’s awesome.  I thought you were having a mini melt down! 🙂 We are 15 min out.”

Texter #1: “My neck hurts so bad.  I slut wrong.  Sleep.  Jeez.”
Texter #2: “No u slut right.  Trust me.”
Texter #1: “Shut up.”

Originally written on November 20, 2011 ©Alex C. Telander.

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